for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
