now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
