First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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