i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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