this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
