Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i think im in europe. pls send help
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
