Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
