The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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