i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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