His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
