I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
