He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
