Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
