roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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