My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
