If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
