You smell like a Billy Joel song
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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