does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
