is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
