I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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