he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
