I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize