Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
