A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
