I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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