Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
