BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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