last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
