I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
