NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There's always time for handjobs
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
