I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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