Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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