Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
