wakey wakey hands off snakey
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
