batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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