she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
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Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
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I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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