i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
