Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
