I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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