It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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