I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
