I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
