Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
