i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
