You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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