Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
