We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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