At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
