You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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