so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
