Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
