Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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