my phone needs a breathalizer
I feel like abortions should bother me more
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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