Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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