Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
