Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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