just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Holy sore nipples Batman
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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