Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
