dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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