dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I am one with the molecules
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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