I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
