Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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