after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
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My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
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Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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