I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
