i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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