When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
