Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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