she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
