ugly people sure do ruin things
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
