We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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