Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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