Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have aggressive nipples.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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