What a fucking waste of an outfit
Can Purell be used as lube?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
