I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
