I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
