I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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