I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
