Pants 0. Shit 1.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
