C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
