I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
