I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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