i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
