I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I would fuck him just for his dog
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
