Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
