Three words: puerto rican gang bang
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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