North Korea, Best Korea!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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