Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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