i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
