i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
